Losing It
by heyarnoldforeverandever
Summary: Arnold leaves with his parents, after their services are once again needed in San Lorenzo. Helga is heartbroken and has to cope with her true love not being by her side. The worst part? He never told her how he really feels.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Helga woke up after an hour of sleep. An hour or two was all she could really get nowadays. She couldn't shut her brain off. It had become tradition in her life to think about Arnold until 4 a.m. on school nights.

She was in high school; it was her junior year. She knew she didn't have a lot of time left in her high school career, but she didn't really care. She found it stupid to care about dances and pep rallies; she found everything pointless without Arnold with her.

Arnold had gone on a mission trip to San Lorenzo with his parents, who had recently returned back to Hillwood after Arnold's fifth grade class went there to rescue them. Everyone was very excited for Arnold. He finally had his parents back. A few years later, Arnold's last two weeks of tenth grade, his parents had gotten a letter that once again their services were needed in San Lorenzo. Helga didn't know all the details, but of course Arnold had let her know that he was leaving.

He came over to her house two weeks before they were supposed to head to San Lorenzo. They had gotten quite close after he found out she suggested the writing contest to some of the school's administration.

* * *

"Y-you're leaving?" Helga asked, tears straining her eyes.

"Y-yes, Helga. I know it's not exactly a great situation, but I can't let my parents go without me. I have already missed so much time with them and I can't let them go alone. I'm sure nothing bad will happen and we'll be back as soon as possible. I really am sor-" Arnold was interrupted by Helga's lips crashing into his. Arnold was taken back. He closed his eyes and reciprocated back. He then pulled away slightly.

"I...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to-"

"Stop. It's okay, Helga."

"I love you!" Helga screamed. She started breathing heavily and tears began to stream down her now rosy face.

"I...I...love...I can't do this. Helga, I have to go and if we say these things, it's going to make it harder for me to leave," Arnold said as he let his arms drop to his sides.

Helga looked up at him with droopy, tired eyes. She sat down on the floor, wrapped her arms around her legs and pulled them to her chest, all the while crying silently. Arnold could not take her looking like this. He had never seen her so sad and vulnerable. "I'm sorry, Helga," Arnold stated, breaking the sullen silence.

"Just go."

"What?"

"I said just go, football head! I never want to see you again! Have fun in the jungle with your parents," Helga yelled at Arnold, making him frown and tears begin to form in his eyes.

"I know you don't mean that, Helga. I want you to know that," Arnold cut himself short, not wanting to make this harder by saying he loved her back. "I want you to know that I care about you so much, and I'll try to be back as soon as I can...for everyone...for you."

Helga looked up, but by then Arnold had began to leave, shutting the door behind him. Helga began to sob uncontrollably.

 _How could you say that? He just wanted to be a kind hearted soul, the soul you fell in love with! You've ruined everything and he'll never love you! How could you do this? You've ruined everything...you always ruin everything._

* * *

Helga replayed this moment so many times in her mind. She felt like an idiot. What was the point of all this? What was the point of school, of life, of anything? There seemed to be no point in anything without Arnold by her side. All she wanted was for him to return safe and sound to Hillwood. She wanted to see him again. She wanted so many things to happen, but she knew it was just another schoolgirl fantasy that she had.

She didn't want to think about how Arnold was doing or if he was even alive. Thinking those things only broke her heart more. She wanted to desperately to have hope but she couldn't. She had lost hope and most of her happiness. The only time she was even a little happy was when she was with her best friend, Phoebe, who had been helping her through this entire situation.

* * *

"Helga, I know it's hard, but you are amazing. You are going to be able to be happy again, and I'll be with you every step of the way," Phoebe had explained, trying to comfort a sniffling Helga.

Helga had called her an hour after Arnold had left her house. She was trying so hard to stay calm but she couldn't. She heard what Phoebe had said, and it made her feel a little bit better that someone was willing to help her and stay with her, but the surge of pain and panic she felt would not go away. She thanked Phoebe and then hung up straight away. She didn't want her best friend to hear her scream in heartbreak.

* * *

As many months passed, Helga knew she had to get on with life. She did so, but as a very slow pace. She continued to do her best in school and to not think about Arnold, but it was difficult, as Helga knew it would be. She was tired and drained of her energy constantly. She didn't bully as much as she did in her younger years, for her lack of caring.

Her parents were not any help to her constant depression. They didn't even know she was upset half the time; the rest of the time, they didn't seem to care much. Helga rarely talked to them anymore and didn't try to tell them what was going on because she knew damn well that they wouldn't understand and wouldn't care.

Helga went about her life, depressed and heartbroken. Nobody but Phoebe really cared about her. All her classmates were too absorbed in their own universes to care about what was going on in Helga's.


	2. Chapter 2

Helga made her way to school, walking alone as she normally did. Phoebe would often walk with Gerald to school. Phoebe would most always offer to walk with Helga, but she protested nearly every time, wanting her best friend to be happy, unlike her.

"Just walk with tall hair boy," Helga said, as she packed her school bag and kept from facing Phoebe, not wanting to show her how sad she really was that she couldn't walk with her best friend anymore. "I really don't mind."

Phoebe could hear in Helga's voice that she was putting up her walls again. She never knew how to help her anymore. "Helga, Gerald is important to me, but so are you. There must be some way to compromise this. Perhaps we could walk together as a group to sch-"

"Yeah, no thanks," she said, cutting Phoebe off. "I don't feel like being a third wheel, but thanks anyway, Phoebs."

That was the end of discussion for that topic. Phoebe didn't know what to say after that. She hated seeing her best friend so closed off and hurt. She knew however, that no matter how much she plead, Helga was very stubborn and would never agree to walk with them if she thought she would just be an interruption or distraction to Phoebe's happiness.

Helga didn't really feel like walking around with Phoebe and Gerald as they kissed and said sweet things to one another. This only made her think of how much she missed Arnold. It killed her inside to see couples on the street. It made her wish that Arnold was with her, holding her hand and kissing her on the cheek as they walked to Slausen's or to any of the stereotypical romantic spots. She had a hard exterior but when Arnold came into her thoughts, she became a little girl again, wishing she was a princess and her prince would save her from this constant hell she was living.

As Helga walked to school alone, her mind began to wander. She remembered that moment.

 _I can't do this…_

 _for everyone…_

 _I'm leaving._

Helga stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. Tears began to form and her hands began to shake. Her legs turned to jelly and started to wobble as she put forth all of her effort to walk. She couldn't bring herself to do it and dropped to the hard sidewalk. She managed to crawl into an alley and sit against a brick wall, not wanting anyone to notice her. She placed her face in her glove covered hands and silently wept. No tears came out and to anyone passing by who may have glanced her way, she looked as though she was a crazy person, sitting in an alley on hard cement.

One man saw her, however. He walked up to her and tapped her shoulder lightly. She looked up, her nose running, but face dry.

"Ma'am, are you alright?" The man asked in a low, concerned tone, as he held his hand out for Helga. He had a slight southern accent, but it was hardly noticeable. He dressed in a black suit and tie, obviously a very successful man.

"I...I'm fine," Helga finally said, as she wiped her nose on her sleeve. She got up on her own, rejecting the man's assistance. He retracted his hand and put both of his hands in his pant pockets.

"If you don't mind me asking, why were you on the ground, miss?" The man asked, seeming to be more concerned about this young woman as he looked into her eyes. He could see mass amounts of pain in them.

The way he was staring with concern at her made her feel uncomfortable and made her heart hurt with sorrow, reminding her of how Arnold would look at her when she was sad. She flushed with anger and shut her eyes tightly, remembering how caring he was and how she would never look into his caring and thoughtful eyes again. "T-that's not any of your business, now is it, bucko?" Helga snapped at the man, trying to hide her broken interior.

"Perhaps not, but, and correct me if I'm wrong, you're not quite an adult and should be in school. I am obligated to report this to the authorities if you are in fact skipping school because I work with child protection programs. However, I don't really want to be the bad guy here and would rather _help_ you than get you in trouble," the man explained, trying to get her to open up somehow. He never liked pulling out the big guns to get children to do what he wanted, but from the looks of it, this girl seemed to need some nudges to get her mind straight again.

He pulled out his wallet to reveal an ID, showing is name to be Dr. Farfield, also proving his statement of working for child services. She looked at her watch nervously, seeing that school had begun an hour ago.

 _Have I really been sitting here for that long?_

She looked back at the man and, though not trusting him in the slightest, she knew she would have to get herself out of this jam somehow. She sighed and began to open her mouth so she could explain herself.


End file.
